|Posted by Larry Yoakum III on March 21, 2016 at 4:55 PM||comments (0)|
Just wanted to give you a quick heads up. I've removed my first few chapters from the blog, if you hadn't noticed. I figured it was time. The book is published, so the free reading samples are gone. Hopefully it inspired you to purchase the book to read it to completion, or maybe you've already got the book, in either case, thank you for your continued support of my writing and I hope I've entertained you as much as I entertained myself writing the story.
OK, back to work for me.
|Posted by Larry Yoakum III on March 17, 2016 at 11:40 AM||comments (0)|
Greetings my righteous rabid readers. I hope everything has gone swimmingly for you. I know I haven’t posted anything in a while, but I’ve been busy with life, work, and my life’s work…writing. As you may or may not know, I have finished the original draft of Haunting On The Nobility. It won’t be published until late September in order to start promoting it for Halloween season, so plenty of time to edit, format, and all the tedious things that go into book publications. In the meantime, work has begun on The Targothian: Book III and that will be ready for a June 2016 release, followed in December by Book IV. And, of course, 2 books each year until the 9th and final book, but since I’m not a fan of odd numbers (call me neurotic) I am doing a book after Book IX with a collection of short stories about the various side characters from the series. This will include, but is not limited to the following: Arakus, Qal Dea, Lord Gostal, Tymber, the origin of the Bah’Tene, and other characters that are in Books III through IX which I won’t tell you the names of yet because, well, SPOILERS!
I am very happy with how Redcap turned out. I even have a sequel of sorts called Baba Yaga: Cannibal Witch. She is of course a side character in Redcap, and I like the legend of Baba Yaga so much that I will do her story. Not a proper sequel to Redcap, but it is closely tied in, but then, of course, all of my work is in a shared universe.
One of my coworkers told me a creepy story from when he was a kid about finding creepy dolls in the attic in a new house, so I now have another potential project.
OK, now that I’ve rambled about my writing, it is time to ramble about something else. I will be so glad when the Presidential election of 2016 is done. I am tired of my Facebook being flooded with “Trump is a Nazi” or “Hillary is a traitor!” When will people finally get it through their skulls that republicans and democrats are both worthless as parties. They’re too busy slinging mud and making promises. We need to elect the person, not the party. Everyone is so narrow minded and we’ve had this two party system so long that it is the only game in town. No one wants to take a third party candidate seriously. If we don’t change our views and start voting for the individual and not the so-called ideology, we’re going to have the same choice between an elephant and a jack ass.
OK, that’s all for now. Thanks again for reading and keeping me writing for you. Oh, and...HAPPY SAINT PATTY'S DAY!
|Posted by Larry Yoakum III on February 16, 2016 at 9:25 AM||comments (0)|
Another blog entry for you here. I know, I know, I don’t do this often enough. I just don’t always have something to say. I’m usually busy writing down all the chaos that swirls in my head like so much insanity. But, nevertheless, I shall make a better attempt to ramble in Yoakum’s Ramblings.
This morning on my way to the day job, I just about had to jump out of my car and beat a kid’s ass. Traffic is stopped, as it always is, when a child is about to cross the road. The crossing guard held us all up, pressed the button to make the lights go blinky blink, and motioned for the kid to cross. The little bastard just stood there for a few seconds, then turned and walked the other way. Holding us up from going to our jobs because you want to be a little prick, eh? If I was your dad, I’d go old school and ‘whup yer ass with a belt’ as my granddad would say back in the day.
Maybe that’s the problem. Kids aren’t being beaten enough. I don’t mean come home and wail on them for no reason or because you’ve been drinking and had a bad day. I don’t condone child abuse. But, when they are disrespectful or just plain stupid, take care of it! My parents only had to beat my ass a handful of times, and when I got older, I at least had the decency and respect to try and hide what I was doing wrong instead of just doing it out in the open, and I had the common sense to get across the fucking street when it was time.
But, what can you expect in this day and age of people who have cell phones glued to their heads 24-7? Can’t drive through the grocery store parking lot without being on your phone. Oh, you have to be in contact constantly with your fantastic fucking friends? Maybe it is just me and I myself don’t like being on the phone at all. I hate talking on the phone. Put me in a room with my friends, I’ll talk and listen and enjoy myself. But I can’t stand being on the phone for more than a few minutes at a time. Sometimes, on rare occasions, I could do it, but it would have to be when my mood was just right. But, I don’t know what’s worse…people on their phones while driving or on them while zombie walking through the grocery store. Hunched over, walking slower than a snail, brats running around screaming, and mommy is totally oblivious to her surroundings. Too busy talking or texting her bff. Makes you want to run your cart into theirs and say “Oh, I’m sorry. Did I break your concentration?”
Oh well. If it wasn’t for stupid people, who would I have to make fun of?
Ok, time to get back to work.
|Posted by Larry Yoakum III on January 30, 2016 at 1:15 AM||comments (0)|
Well, well, well. Well, well, well. Well, well…..ok, that’s done.
Hello all my rabid readers. I hope all is right in the big bad world. I am thankful to make it to another Friday, though it sucks that it is almost February already. Granted, on the 1st I will be publishing Redcap finally, it shows us that the year is 1/12 over and moving fast. Time does indeed keep on slipping, slipping, slipping into the future. At this rate, it will go so fast that we’ll end up in the past. Hey, that rhymed. I am a poet, after all. Or at least, I have a book of poetry, but it isn’t like it is deep and meaningful. Some of them I think are a tiny bit, but for the most part, poems aren’t my strong suit, and some of them may come off as silly. But, that is fine with me.
I have some veteran’s stories for my upcoming charity project “True Stories of America’s Finest” in which all of my royalties will be donated to the Wounded Warriors. If I have copies on hand, 100% of the money for the book will be considered donations, and in turn will be given to the Wounded Warriors. A special thanks to Gerry Loeb for hooking me up with some material for it, and thanks to mein Targothian bruder James Rosenthal Jr. for sending me his story as well.
That is all for now. I am going to try and write in this thing at least once a week, even if it is just a short post. Until next time, stay reading, my friends.
|Posted by Larry Yoakum III on January 21, 2016 at 2:45 PM||comments (0)|
Welcome to the blog. I know I haven’t written in a while, but as you know, I’m a busy man. But, I’m going to try and do more blogging in the future. Redcap is going to be published on the 1st of Feb. I should have it available for the Amazon Kindle soon after. I’m going to hopefully have it available on the Nook and other devices, too.
Haunting on the Nobility is going good. I won’t be publishing it until probably Halloween. I know, a long way away, but it was inspired by Halloween. I’ll be getting the Targothian: Book III out in June or July and Book IV out in December of this year. Expect two a year until all 9 are done.
Speaking of The Targothian, I am going to be doing a short story collection with a lot of the side characters from the series. Their origins, and maybe how the Bah’Tene were created. That is down the road a ways, but it is on the list.
A side character in Redcap warrants her own story, so I plan on writing one about the witch Baba Yaga. A more-or-less sequel to Redcap, it will be related to it, but not really a proper sequel. I hope you’ll enjoy it as much as I know I’ll enjoy writing it.
Since this blog is called Yoakum’s Ramblings, here is a ramble for you: Why in the name of holy hell can’t people drive 20 MPH in the school zones? That is the posted limit, correct? Then why drive 10 MPH? Move your asses, chuckleheads! You don’t have to slow down that damn much. It’s things like that which ruin my freaking calm in the mornings.
OK, that is all for now. Keep posted for future news on my books and other projects. Until next time, gentle readers.
|Posted by Larry Yoakum III on January 12, 2016 at 9:50 AM||comments (0)|
Greetings everyone. Happy belated New Year. 2016….wow. The relentless bastard of time keeps marching on. Seems like only yesterday I was a 20 something getting out of the Air Force with a dream of being a published writer. That was 1999….and I’m only self-published, as it is a bitch to get into this business in this day and age. Oh well, it will happen. Write for yourself.
Speaking of that, I will be publishing Redcap next month. Not sure of the exact date, but stay tuned to this blog for details. In the meantime, I’m still working on Haunting on the Nobility, my story about a cruise ship with a cursed painting and other paranormal activity centering around a man who is on his first vacation in years. Soon after, I’ll be working on The Targothian: Book III and IV. Those should be published in June and December, respectively.
Don’t worry, I’ll have many a story for years to come, more to amuse and abuse the public with. Until then, it’s time to get back to work.
And, just a quick “Farewell” to David Bowie, who has entertained us for decades with his musical talent.
|Posted by Larry Yoakum III on December 16, 2015 at 9:20 AM||comments (0)|
In honor of the upcoming Christmas holiday, I am going to post a story I wrote last year around this time. It is currently in my book Yoakum's Compendium of Bizarre and Original Stories, available now in paperback via Amazon and other online bookstores and for digital download on the Amazon Kindle.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Copyright © 2014 by Larry Yoakum III
All rights reserved.
No part of this story may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means without the prior written consent of the author/publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review to be printed in a newspaper, magazine, or journal.. For permission requests, email the author at [email protected] with “Attention: Permissions Coordinator,” in the subject line
SANTA’S BAD CHRISTMAS
By Larry Yoakum III
The detective stared at the fat man in the chair. They brought him in about twenty minutes ago, after a massive shoot-out in downtown Cheboygan. The fat man, clad in a red tux and a long, ZZ Top-esque beard, had gone to the street corner where a man in a Santa suit was collecting donations for a local charity. The fat man was accompanied by a dozen midgets in festive green tuxedos. The fat man had yelled something in German and the midgets pulled MAC-10s from their jackets and blasted the street corner Santa until there was just a pulpy mess of blood, flesh, and quarters. Cheap townsfolk didn’t even donate any green, just coin. But, tis the season for giving, even if you’re a stingy bastard.
The fat man had then started yelling out that he was the one true Santa and all others must pay the price for their audacity to impersonate him. The local police called their elite SWAT unit, the best in Cheboygan County. An intense firefight ensued, where one officer was shot but not in a serious way, and all of the midgets where mowed down with automatic weapon fire from the SWAT guys. Their festive green tuxedos clashed with their bright gray blood. Gray blood? Detective Sutherland couldn’t wait to get the results back from the lab on that. The CDC had been notified as well and was on their way from Atlanta to make sure the gray blood wasn’t part of some blood born outbreak of a rare infections disease. It was three days til Christmas and Cheboygan didn’t need none of that mess.
The fat man had given up after his midget friends were killed. He was crying and saying how the reindeer wouldn’t be too happy about this. Detective Sutherland felt no sympathy for him. After all, he had served in the Salvation Army and saw some major bad things happen in the world. No one but him and a few select others remembered the attempted Canadian invasion of 1999. Those crazy Canadians thought they could invade with all of the impending chaos from Y2K. Little did they know that nothing would happen and their forces were repelled by the local Salvation Army of Cheboygan. Many were killed that night, but the government covered it up to be a gang killing spree from the Bloods. Sutherland had signed a document of silence stating if he ever spoke of the invasion, he’d be sent to Guantanamo Bay. He’d have none of that mess, so silence was the way.
Detective Sutherland took a drink of his coffee and threw the empty cup into the wall, shattering it on a picture of the Mayor who looked a bit like Alfred E. Newman. “Tell me your real name!”
The fat man slammed his fist on the table. “I told you! I am friggin Santa!”
Sutherland sighed. It was way too late at night for this mess. My wife is making vegan spaghetti tonight. He wanted to get in on that before it was all gone. He had twelve children. The food always went fast in their household.
“OK,” the Detective said, still pacing the room. “If you’re Santa, why the hell did you kill someone? Santa doesn’t kill.”
“I am sick and tired of those stains of humanity taking my image in vain. They don’t care about making toys for the children. They are too busy collecting money for a corrupt bureaucracy. I hate that shit!”
“And, I wouldn’t think that Santa used swear words,” Sutherland responded.
“Shut your big fat mouth up, ass-hat!” the fat man screamed.
“So, tell me more about your companions. Did you happen to come across a circus or something?”
Santa stood and spoke in a harsh monotone. “They were my family and you humans murdered them. They were immortal until you mowed them down like common people.”
Sutherland cleared his throat. “Excuse me all to hell. You murdered Chuck Stein, and he was collecting money for the local Cheboygan Home of Unwanted and Undesirable Children. They were going to get a new pool table. Now they have to go without.”
Santa laughed in an eerily jolly fashion. “No worries. I’ll just make them one. But you have to let me go before the reindeer show up. They’re going to be mad that you murdered their masters and they will seek retribution.”
Sutherland laughed with no humor at that. “Masters? I thought you were the big guy in charge.”
Santa shook his head. “Oh, no. I’m just the delivery man. The elves really run the show.”
Sutherland now laughed with humor. “Elves? You mean those midgets?”
Santa narrowed his eyes and spoke calmly as if to a child. “Come now, cop. Have you ever seen a midget bleed gray blood? They aren’t human like you are and I used to be. They are elves, and have gray blood and fierce tempers. They treated the reindeer like their personal attack dogs. The reindeer can sense when their masters are harmed. They’ll be here soon. You must let me go.”
The detective sighed again. “I think I’ll just put you in a cell for the night and worry about this shit in the morning. I have dinner to go to.”
Later that night as Sutherland lay in bed next to his wife, he couldn’t sleep. He didn’t believe the fat man’s story, but something was still amiss. He could feel it with his cop instinct.
The following morning didn’t make his day any better. He had arrived to a circus of activity. Five officers dead and twenty more injured. One of them was missing his leg. It appeared to be bitten clean off. Doctors and paramedics ran amuck, tending to patients and trying to save as many as possible. One of the other officers who had survived the mess had gone out to help. He approached Sutherland with what looked like a head. What the hell was that?
“What the hell is that?” Sutherland asked the officer. The officer couldn’t talk. He was in shock. Taking a closer look, he saw that the head belonged to the fat man they arrested, the Santa wannabe. “What happened, Dave?” Sutherland asked the officer, patrolman David Wayne.
“You’re not going to believe this, sir. It was reindeer!”
|Posted by Larry Yoakum III on December 8, 2015 at 9:15 AM||comments (2)|
Not to be a total asshole, but I am sick of school zones. I understand children are our future etc and we have to look out for them. But COME ON! The speed limit is 20! Not 10! Not 15! Pull your heads out and drive 20 MPH!
OK, on to something else. I’ve talked to a lot of my fellow writers, and one thing I cannot stand is the elitist attitude that I’ve seen in some of the “educated” ones. They act as if because I have no college degree, I can’t be a writer. In school, you may learn structure. You may learn proper grammar and formatting. You may read Shakespear and have long discussions about it. But, you can’t teach creativity. I know, I know, they have creative writing classes, but the creativity is already in you. They show you how to bring it out. Not everyone has that problem. I can always be creative. I write some strange shit, I am aware. I write about Hell with a suburban atmosphere including a grocery store and I write about pirates who encounter aliens and the Illuminati. I’ve written about demonic beings creating French fries and about a pair of sentient balls who tell their awakening tale. I’ve got vampires (real ones, they don’t sparkle) and fairy tale creatures. I just need readers.
Oh well, the time will come. Just have to have faith. Talk to you all later.
|Posted by Larry Yoakum III on November 20, 2015 at 5:30 PM||comments (0)|
Greetings all. Wanted to let you know what was going on in the grand scheme of things in my literary life. I am finished with the story for Redcap and will be publishing it in Feb of 2016. For the next few weeks, starting tomorrow, I am going to post a chapter of the story here on my blog to give you a taste of it and hopefully you will enjoy it enough to buy the full book when it comes out in 3 months. Again, the reason I am not publishing until then is I already have 4 books published in 2015 and don't want to have everything out at once.
That being said, of course, my story is protected by copyright and all that. Please DO NOT copy and paste on your own sites and blogs and Twitters and Facebooks and whatever else it is you crazy people use these days.
I will start tomorrow with the prologue and next Saturday I'll post chapter 1, then 2, and then 3, each following week until Dec 12.
I hope you enjoy it and find it entertaining. In the meantime, don’t forget to check out my other stuff (The Targothian: Book I and II, Yoakum’s Compendium of Bizarre and Original Stories, and of course, Yoakum’s Collection of Poems and Blurbs.
Now, it’s time for me to get back to work on my next story, Haunting on the Nobility.
|Posted by Larry Yoakum III on November 6, 2015 at 11:10 AM||comments (0)|
Greetings and salutations. Sorry I haven’t blogged at you in a while. Been busy. Working on my haunted cruise ship story called Haunting on the Nobility. Redcap is more or less done, just needs some spell checking and whatnot. Look for it in February of next year. Targothian: Book III, I am shooting for April and Book IV around October.
This Saturday, fellow local author Jim Frishkey and I will be having a book signing at Firewheel Coffee in Garland from 9:30 AM to 12:30 PM and then later that evening at 5 PM I am officiating a wedding. Good day all around.
Well, that’s about it for now. I am still waiting for that phone call that wants to turn my book into a movie. Until next time, word.